martens

I've been reading, observing and you can say "re-descovering" the world of fashion and consumism and i gotta say - its pretty damn tempting... Well, im not sure if i can call it tempting, due to the fact that i was already lured into it, cuac, not good at all. Im still waiting for my dr. martens to come home, but its a bittersweet feeling. I love to give myself reasons for going back to the place i was a year ago, but i know its always bs, so ill try to keep my mind in other more relevant sectors of life.
It makes me wonder if this is the right thing, i mean, stopping my consumism (to a certain degree) doesnt make me as happy as wearing a new pair of boots or trying out a dress. Shoould i give up that happyness and guilty pleasure just because it is indeed guilty? or should i continue with my normal lifestyle, knowing that there will be a worldwide turning point, where i am going to be obligated to change my egocentric mentality and please nature (and ourselves, in a healthier way). These are the small, almost non-existante roads of my mind that make me go crazy, but i know my ideals never win... it is upseting and i feel like deceiving myself most of the time, but sometimes i just wonder - what is myself? - the fact that i choose the selfish, cunning, part of me means that that is the real me? or im I the ideals i stand for most of the times? can i be both? no.